Letting go of Reagan was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. When the nurse brought her in for the last time I just held her and cried. I cried for this baby I never got a chance to know, I cried for myself, and I cried because I just did not understand why she had to be taken from me so soon. When Brian called the nurse to come get her I just could not let her go. I think she asked me several times if I wanted her to come back. Every time I would reach out to give Reagan to her I just pulled her back because I could not bear giving her up for the very last time. But, I knew it would not get any easier if I even if I had her for hours. So finally around 10:30 on Thursday, October 29, 2009, I gave my baby up for the very last time.
A few months ago I stumbled upon a baby page a fellow member of babyfit.com who is due again in December of this year after loosing her little girl at 38 weeks due to a cord injury. I could not imagine this mother’s pain. I never thought that I would now be feeling that same pain. Reality is starting to sink in and the feeling of loss is tremendous. Although, I know the pain will ease as time goes on, right now I cannot see how that can happen. How long does it take this emptiness to fade? All I want is to hold my little girl.
No comments:
Post a Comment