Going Home

Today I have to leave my baby. I never imagined that this would be this hard. I am ready to go home and get out of the hospital but it has been comforting knowing Reagan is right next door. I can only cry as I think the funeral home taking away my little girl. Last week at this time we were planning a baby shower. Now I have to plan a funeral. All our joy has turned to sorrow. All I can think of is how unfair life is right not. I thought that having the miscarriage last December was one of the hardest things I had to go through. It is nothing compared to this. Reagan was a baby. She could have survived outside of the womb. I think that I will be asking why for a very long time.

It is amazing the love you can have for a child you never knew. I thought it would be hard to love another child as much as I love my son but it is not. My heat is bursting with love for my beautiful little girl. She will forever be my beautiful angel.

We have received so many thoughtful words and prayers. It is amazing how much people care. We were planning on having our little girl cremated and taking her home with us. We really did not feel the need for a service at first. But then my school stepped in and said they wanted to take care of the services for us. Wow was all I could say. Now I realize that although I did not want to share my daughter with anyone it is the right thing to do. By having a memorial service, I am allowing others to grieve with me and to share in my loss. It has shown me that I am not alone. We are still going to take our little girl home with us. A mausoleum was offered but I want Reagan with me at home. I do not want to forget her. People have told me that this would not happen but I have to do what is in my heart. Maybe sometime in the future it may be something to consider but not right now.