I just want to thank Herschel Jones Middle School for making a service for Reagan possible. This was not something that Brian even really considered or thought we wanted. We were just going to cremate her and bring our baby girl home. But in hindsight I am glad that we had a service. Even thought she was born still she was a baby. I got to hold her and cuddle her and so I think that she really deserved to have the recognition that a service brought her. Reagan’s service was beautiful. Her Grandma and Grandpa gave her seven pink roses to signify her seven months. I am going to take one and dry it out. She received some other really pretty flowers as well. The pastor gave a beautiful service and spoke to Brian and me most of the time which I thought was nice. After the service we brought Reagan home with us and she is sitting where I can see her every day. I will post pictures as soon as I get them onto my computer.

Yesterday was a pretty bad day for me. This is what I wrote in my journal yesterday:

I miss my little girl so much. My heart is breaking for the loss of my daughter. How will go on? I know that I have to but it is so hard. If I could stay in bed for ever I would be OK. Although I know that this is obviously not healthy it is all I want to do. Sleep, Sleep, Sleep. I am going to try and keep Alec home with me once a week for my sanity. Not sure how that will actually help my sanity but it will keep me busy and not thinking about Reagan so much.

I did get to go to the DR and get my staples out so that was a good point in my day. I spent a while talking to the DR. She is very nice and we sort of formed a bond when we both miscarried. Me in December and her in the spring. She came in crying and hugged me and told me she was glad I was her last appt of the day because she did not think she could see any patients after me. I thought this was very sweet. The Dr who performed the delivery (another woman in the practice) called her the next day to tell her about it and how it was such a bad day for her. She said she was a little sad but when she saw who it was she just broke down and cried. We then talked about the normal things and when I could get back to doing “stuff”. We also talked about what might have gone wrong even though she did not tell me anything new really. With the amniotic fluid being low they will really monitor this next time as well as the growth in the baby. She was pretty small for 27 weeks. They will be sending me to a perinatologist right away and will I will probably have bi-weekly or monthly ultrasounds. I think Brian is going through an angry phase. I do not really know because he is the quite type and does not really talk about his emotions until it all builds up and eventually boils over. But, when I spoke to him about all the monitoring they would be doing next time he said “I thought they would be doing this that this time. That is what they said that they would be keeping a close eye on you because of what happened with Alec.” But, I was not having any of the same issues that I did with Alec so I can kind of understand the lack of monitoring and the PIH did not begin until 28 or 29 weeks. You know hindsight is 20-20. If we go back things would be so much different.